So, how do you get this focus on finding someone out of your mind? The key is the law of replacement. The law of replacement applies to many other areas of life such as in eating healthier, and it definitely applies to this area of getting yourself to not need a relationship.
Here’s how the law of replacement works. Many years ago, I made a decision to drastically reduce bad sweets (such as chocolate and other candies) in my diet. Instead of focusing on depriving myself of sweets, I focused on eating lots of fruits (healthy sweets.) In eating a lot of fruits, I no longer have cravings for bad sweets. I now eat bad sweets on the average of once a month.
So, let's break it down into two parts: (1) Have the intention, and (2) Focus on replacement(s). In getting bad sweets out of my diet, I first made a decision (or have the intention) to do so. Then, I focused on fruits (the replacement.) In keeping yourself from not being overly focused on getting a relationship: (1) Have the intention to not need a relationship, and (2) Focus on the “replacement”.
Focus on a replacement (or replacements.) You need to replace that focus with something else – something greater than yourself and greater than some short-term satisfaction of just having someone quickly.
When you are focused on a greater purpose in your life, you actually end up increasing your chances of finding that someone that God has meant for you (as strange as this may sound to some of you, yet axiomatic to many of you who are more spiritual.)
This was one of the points I brought up during that Friday night dinner with Winston and Jack, but they for some reason had trouble grasping this point. This resistance was probably because they were caught up in their anxiousness of being single.
Here’s the good news. About a year after that dinner, Winston called me up one day and told me that he found a new Christian book about relationships. It was the first time I heard of that book but the message in that book overlapped with much of what I was telling them on that Friday night when I shocked them with what God has been teaching me. (That book has been misunderstood by many. Therefore, I will not mention the title of that book at this point, but will talk about it later on.)
I guess God knew that Winston needed to get these teachings from two sources, in hearing it from me and from that book. He finally got it. Winston joyfully told me that he started replacing his focus on getting a girl with the focus on serving God and serving people.
Now there are many different ways of serving. Some choose to write lessons from God and distribute them via various media. Others help feed the hungry. Vincent chose to serve in the children’s ministry at his church. As a positive side effect of his focus on serving, he connected with his new girlfriend.
When you change your focus from finding someone to pursuing a greater purpose, you can’t lose. If you end up forever single (although unlikely), you’ll still be happy fulfilling your greater purpose (and you’re better off anyway as Jesus and the Apostle Paul mentioned.) However, most of you in pursuing a greater purpose will ironically end up having that special someone show up in your life.
On the other hand, if you are too caught up in finding love, you will most likely end up with nothing- not fulfilling your greater purpose and not finding anyone. Or worse, you end up marrying the wrong person because you desperately rushed into a relationship. As Solomon wrote, you’re better off living in a desert than living with the wrong woman you’ve married. (Proverbs 21:19)
So, let go of the tendency of having to have. Let go and be okay with staying single (even if forever) and focus on something greater than yourself. Focus on God. Let go and let God. If you take this approach, you can’t lose
Next week, I will go into something very important you need to think about in your journey or search for a greater purpose while keeping an eye out for your true love. It is something that many neglect and as a result, they end up repelling the right person even when he or she shows up.
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Part 4 can be found at http://stanzo.blogspot.com/2012/03/search-for-true-love-part-4.html
Copyright: © 2012. This document is the sole property of Amadeo Constanzo. Other free teachings from Amadeo Constanzo can be found at life.SpirFit.com and SpirFit.org
