Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Search for True Love (Part 4)

Are You Okay with Being Single?

Back in the ancient days, couples having trouble conceiving fret over whether they would have children or not.  They worry probably even more so than single people today worry about not finding a mate.  Abraham (a patriarch of Christianity, Islam, and Judaism) and his wife Sarah were having trouble conceiving a child.  When they were in their nineties and still without child, God let Abraham know that He’s answering his prayers and is about to give Abraham a child from Sarah’s womb.  Understandably, Sarah doubted and laughed when she heard this.  God responded, “Is anything too hard for God?” (Ge 18:14)  Is it hard for God to give Abraham and Sarah a child?  Is it hard for God to bring you the right mate? 

“Do not be afraid,” God said to Abraham.  “I am your shield, your very great reward.”  (Ge 15:1)  He is saying the same to us who seek a relationship with Him.

When Abraham was 100, his wife Sarah gave birth to Isaac, their own flesh and blood.  If God is able to provide such an old couple with a son from their own flesh, how much easier it is for Him to provide you with the right mate, your true love.

Although God is more than able to provide us with what we need, we often block ourselves from receiving when we try desperately to take control and to get it our way.  The more we are tensely in this state, the more we keep ourselves from what we need or want.   (However, not obsessively trying to take control does not mean not keeping an eye out for when God directs that person into your life.)

It’s no wander single people often get into this longing state of mind when we’ve been programmed by the world that it’s not okay to stay single.  We’ve been programmed to think that we must find someone at any cost.  Therefore, many in the world desperately try to get out of singleness trying different unwise methods from blind dates to internet matchmaking sites to speed dating.

“You’re not getting any younger,” they would remind us, although probably out of concern for us.  However, all this does is make us miserable.  Even if God has meant for you to be married (which is true for most), this type of thinking or longing only drives away your chances of pulling that special someone into your life.  Desperate energy is repelling, not attractive.

I once saw an interview of a woman telling her story about how she for the longest time really wanted to find a man and get married.  She was frustrated year after year, and she often communicated this to her best friend.  Finally, she had an awakening and came to the conclusion that it is entirely okay if she stays single forever.  This peaceful decision surprised her best friend, but the biggest shocker was yet to come.  Two weeks later, she met a guy.  Two months later, she informed her best friend, “He proposed!”

The key is getting yourself to this place where you truly are completely okay with staying single forever.    Another way to see this is from what Jesus and the Apostle Paul taught their disciples.  They mentioned to their followers that it is actually better to be single.  (Mt 19:10-12; 1 Co 7:1-2, 7:27-28, 7:32-38)

However, know that most of us are probably meant to be married, as you are probably relieved to hear.  (1 Co 7:2, 28, 36, 38; Proverbs 18:22)  So, I’m not saying that you should all stay single.  I am only saying that you should be okay with being single.  You can’t lose if you think this way.  If you do stay single forever (although that’s unlikely), you’re okay with it anyway.  If you don’t stay single, that would be great too.  Either way, you can’t lose if you are okay with staying single.

On the other hand, if your desperate mentality of “I have to find someone” leads you to rush into a relationship (as is often the case), you will end up in misery, or in a miserable relationship.  As many who have experienced this could tell you, it is better not to marry than to marry the wrong person.

So, as you have probably gotten already, the take home message of this section is to be okay with being single.  As the preacher Francis Chan once said to his congregation, “Those who are most ready for marriage are those who need it least.” 

I would like to add, “Those who need marriage the least are those who are most likely to be happily married.”

So, how do you get yourself to not need to find or to be okay with being single?  The key is the law of replacement.  So, what is the law of replacement?

To be continued in part 5.  Feel free to find it at

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Copyright: © 2012. This document is the sole property of Amadeo Constanzo. Other free teachings from Amadeo Constanzo can be found at and

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