Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Search for True Love (Part 1)

I’ve come across so many people in my work at various capacities (with clients, with students at the college, with small groups, and online) and one common issue of discussion that often comes up is about relationships, including the search for one. That is partly why I am writing a series about this. Another reason (the greater reason) is a Divine push to write this.

Many are having trouble or not happy being single. If you are reading this, most likely you can relate to one or more of the following:

I am single and I am wandering when or if “the one” will show up in my life.

Why do I keep attracting the wrong type of guys into my life? It keeps happening. The same keeps showing up in my life.

My relationships don’t last. Why don’t they stay for the long haul?

They all lie. They are all the same.

I’ve just received another wedding invitation. It feels like I’m getting these very frequently these days – too frequently. Although part of me is happy for my friends getting married, another part of me feels frustrated. I look at all these couples getting married and I am wandering to myself, “Why don’t I have that yet? What am I doing wrong?
I’m not even close.”

Although I know I shouldn’t give up, I am growing more and more frustrated.

I thought we were meant to be together, but we lost it.
They all cheat. They are all the same.

There’s this guy I really like, but he doesn’t seem to be interested in me in that way. If only he would show interest in me or ask me out, I would be so happy.

How can he do this to me? We’ve been together for so long. I can’t live without him. How can he just end it after all that we’ve been through? I now feel so single. It hurts so much. I don’t remember ever being so heart broken.

I am a man of God but everywhere I go, there are all these good looking ladies of the world. They are at my school. They are at my work. They are in my neighborhood. They are flirtatious and nice toward me, but I know that none of them is the one God has in store for me. Although they seem to be interested in me, I know that I should resist the temptations and hold out for the one girl God’s meant for me. But it’s really hard to resist. It’s like bringing a child into a candy store but telling him you can’t have any.

It was supposed to be happily ever after. We were so good together. We were planning for a future together, or so I thought. Unexpectedly, she ends it. “What happened?” I asked myself. “What did I do wrong?” Now, I am single again and back to square one.

I’m broken and I feel like it would be impossible for me to have a good relationship with someone. Who would want to get involved with this mess? Is there hope for me?

There’s this guy apparently interested in me, but I as a woman of God knows that this is not the guy God’s meant for me. However, it’s tough to resist this gorgeous guy’s advances, especially when I don’t see anyone else as I look on the horizon. Frankly, I feel insecure and I am having doubts if God will bring me “the one”. I don’t know how long I can resist this guy.

There’s this girl I really like. I really want her, but I can’t have her.

I don’t know what happened to our relationship. It was suddenly over, and the next thing I know, he’s with another girl.

I used to have all these guys interested in me. What happened? Why am I so empty and miserable now?


Apparently from all the people I have come across in my work with students and clients, in various churches I’ve been to, and online, this topic is a major issue in the minds of single people.

If you ask me a year ago about projects I had lined up, this writing series on the search for true love would not be on that list. Even in my personal life in recent years, I’ve placed zero focus on searching for a potential mate. My primary focus in recent years has been on the work God has pointed out to me on the less traveled road. In recent months however, it became clear to me that God is pointing me toward writing out all the lessons He has (for some reason) presented to me in this area.  God seems to be telling me to share these lessons.

Although I haven’t been asking for lessons on relationships or finding one, God for many years now has been teaching me through different people, through my own experiences, and through experiences of others I’ve come across. In recent months, I felt a strong push to share these lessons about searching for a good and long lasting relationship with someone.

Many seem to be in a place where they feel eager but broken and stuck. God therefore seems to want me to contribute to help.

“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners…” Isaiah 61:1

There are so many who feel discouraged and frustrated from uncertainty of the future, including the uncertainty in this area of finding someone.  Some are imprisoned by their past (such as past hurts, experiences, and mistakes) which hinders them in their search for a true and lasting relationship.

If you can relate to anything I’ve mentioned so far, this series is meant to serve you.  There’s a lot more to come on this topic of finding true love.  All I ask is that you come with an open mind.

Change Your Perspective; Shift Your Paradigm

When it comes to searching for that true and lasting relationship, our minds need to be like stretchable workout pants. Have you ever tried wearing hard jeans in working out, especially the ones that are skinny and tight?  If you did, you know that they don’t leave much room for movement. As a guy, I often wander if these skinny jeans might affect my ability to reproduce. Somebody ought to do a study on this.

Anyway, I would definitely not want to exercise in these inflexible skinny jeans.

When you are working out, in the process of transforming yourself to become more fit, you generally would put on stretchable workout pants. In the same way, when you are in the process of transforming yourself to become more fit for a relationship with a special someone, you have to put on a mind that is like the stretchable pants. Your mind must not only be on how it’s been accustomed to think and on how the culture of the world pressures you to think. Your mind must be stretchable or flexible to have room for approaching this issue in ways you may be uncomfortable with. In reading this series (in the process of transforming yourself to attract true love into your life), be the stretchable workout pants.

Are you one of the common cases where you ask yourself why you keep attracting the same type of guys or the same type of girls you don’t want? You keep asking yourself why they keep showing up in your life. Well, you may have heard the saying, “Approaching something the same way again and again while expecting a different outcome is insanity.” When you keep getting the same results (or the same type of guys/girls) you don’t want, it’s time to be open up your mind to new approaches. This is key if you want to get anything out of this series.

Be open and flexible enough to add to your initial point of view and approach. You may even need to change them altogether if necessary. Your mind must be like the stretchable pants in order to get out of old patterns if you want to attract true love into your life...

To be continued in part 2.  Feel free to find it at

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Copyright: © 2012, 2013.  This document is the sole property of Amadeo Constanzo. Other free teachings from Amadeo Constanzo can be found at and

Search for True Love, Finding a mate, soul mate, Shu Chan 陳樹中 University of California, UC Davis, Brooklyn Tech, Amadeo Constanzo

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