The Search for True Love (Part 2)

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Don’t Just Focus on the Search

Now that you understand the importance of flexibility of mind (like stretchable exercise pants), you must exercise that flexibility.  You should do so by shifting your focus away from the external, or shifting your focus away from just searching.  It is actually more important to first look inward before you look outward.  In most cases where people end up having trouble finding the right person or not getting the right relationship, not starting inward is a major factor. 

In searching for true love, you can’t just focus on the search and ignore other important factors (as I will go into in this blog series.)  These factors (such as working on becoming a true listener and working on your core character) may seem unrelated, but they are crucial if you really want to land a true and lasting relationship.

Let me explain this with a money analogy.  If you invest your money in stocks and bonds, do you just narrowly keep an eye on your accounts and nothing else?  Or are you also continuously keeping up with information such as local news, global news, business news, tech news, and science news.

The unwise and less successful investor would probably say, “I don’t want to learn and keep up with all this information.  They are not directly related to my investments.”

In the same way, the unwise ignore many indirect factors in their search for true love.  There are many seemingly unrelated and indirectly related factors covered in this blog series.  Other commonly neglected but crucial factors include: letting go of the past, not settling for less than what God has in store for you, working on yourself, working on something greater than yourself, understanding love in different forms, and establishing a divine connection.

The person who is conscientious in these seemingly unrelated areas covered in this blog series would be like the wise investor staying abreast of all information including the seemingly unrelated, indirectly related, and directly related. 

Multi-cultural Wisdom from Generations

I previously mentioned the importance of being able to change the way you see and approach relationships as you are reading this blog series.    If this led you to think that I am presenting completely new ways and perspectives, I am here to tell you that it is quite to the contrary.  I will be presenting ways of seeing it that most people today are not accustomed to, but these perspectives and approaches are not completely new.  They include long forgotten or neglected knowledge and wisdom about love and relationships.  These are knowledge and wisdom learned from generations, consistent across various cultures and traditions from different parts of the world.

Truth is truth (whether you like it or not, and whether it feels good or not.)  When people from one corner of the earth learned the same things as people from another corner of the world throughout different time periods and across different belief systems, you know they are true.  When different people of different backgrounds learn the same lessons, you know they are true.

Let me give you an obvious analogy.  The apparent principle of “you shall not murder” is known from many different traditions (consistent in many parts of the world throughout generations, across many different belief systems.)

It is consistent in teachings from Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism, Islam, and Confucianism to name the major traditions of many parts of the world.

Although some of my teachings in finding true love are also consistent with wisdom across cultures, they are not as obvious as “you shall not murder”, but they are just as true.  It is my aim to make these truths apparent to you by the time you are done reading this blog series.

Not Having to Have

Years ago, I was living in San Francisco, California when Winston and Jack called me out for dinner on a Friday night.  They called me out because we knew that all three of us single guys in our early 20's were suffering from some type of relationship blues.

Jack's girlfriend of three years left him for another guy, and he felt that his cure will come when he finds someone else.  Winston at the time had never had a girlfriend in his life and he desperately wanted one.  As for me, I at the time just came out of the most disastrous relationship I've ever had…  

To be continued in Part 3.  Feel free to find it at  - http://spirfit.net/Academy/life/searchforlove



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Copyright: © 2012. This document is the sole property of Amadeo Constanzo. Other free teachings from Amadeo Constanzo can be found at http://spirfit.net/Academy/index.htm#life and SpirFit.org

The Search for True Love (Part 1)

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I’ve come across so many people in my work at various capacities (with clients, with students at the college, with small groups, and online) and one common issue of discussion that often comes up is about relationships, including the search for one. That is partly why I am writing a series about this. Another reason (the greater reason) is a Divine push to write this.

Many are having trouble or not happy being single. If you are reading this, most likely you can relate to one or more of the following:

I am single and I am wandering when or if “the one” will show up in my life.

Why do I keep attracting the wrong type of guys into my life? It keeps happening. The same keeps showing up in my life.

My relationships don’t last. Why don’t they stay for the long haul?

They all lie. They are all the same.

I’ve just received another wedding invitation. It feels like I’m getting these very frequently these days – too frequently. Although part of me is happy for my friends getting married, another part of me feels frustrated. I look at all these couples getting married and I am wandering to myself, “Why don’t I have that yet? What am I doing wrong?

I’m not even close.”

Although I know I shouldn’t give up, I am growing more and more frustrated.

I thought we were meant to be together, but we lost it.

 

They all cheat. They are all the same.

There’s this guy I really like, but he doesn’t seem to be interested in me in that way. If only he would show interest in me or ask me out, I would be so happy.

How can he do this to me? We’ve been together for so long. I can’t live without him. How can he just end it after all that we’ve been through? I now feel so single. It hurts so much. I don’t remember ever being so heart broken.

I am a man of God but everywhere I go, there are all these good looking ladies of the world. They are at my school. They are at my work. They are in my neighborhood. They are flirtatious and nice toward me, but I know that none of them is the one God has in store for me. Although they seem to be interested in me, I know that I should resist the temptations and hold out for the one girl God’s meant for me. But it’s really hard to resist. It’s like bringing a child into a candy store but telling him you can’t have any.

It was supposed to be happily ever after. We were so good together. We were planning for a future together, or so I thought. Unexpectedly, she ends it. “What happened?” I asked myself. “What did I do wrong?” Now, I am single again and back to square one.

I’m broken and I feel like it would be impossible for me to have a good relationship with someone. Who would want to get involved with this mess? Is there hope for me?

There’s this guy apparently interested in me, but I as a woman of God knows that this is not the guy God’s meant for me. However, it’s tough to resist this gorgeous guy’s advances, especially when I don’t see anyone else as I look on the horizon. Frankly, I feel insecure and I am having doubts if God will bring me “the one”. I don’t know how long I can resist this guy.

There’s this girl I really like. I really want her, but I can’t have her.

I don’t know what happened to our relationship. It was suddenly over, and the next thing I know, he’s with another girl.

I used to have all these guys interested in me. What happened? Why am I so empty and miserable now?

 

Apparently from all the people I have come across in my work with students and clients, in various churches I’ve been to, and online, this topic is a major issue in the minds of single people.

If you ask me a year ago about projects I had lined up, this writing series on the search for true love would not be on that list. Even in my personal life in recent years, I’ve placed zero focus on searching for a potential mate. My primary focus in recent years has been on the work God has pointed out to me on the less traveled road. In recent months however, it became clear to me that God is pointing me toward writing out all the lessons He has (for some reason) presented to me in this area.  God seems to be telling me to share these lessons.

Although I haven’t been asking for lessons on relationships or finding one, God for many years now has been teaching me through different people, through my own experiences, and through experiences of others I’ve come across. In recent months, I felt a strong push to share these lessons about searching for a good and long lasting relationship with someone.

Many seem to be in a place where they feel eager but broken and stuck. God therefore seems to want me to contribute to help.

“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners…” Isaiah 61:1

There are so many who feel discouraged and frustrated from uncertainty of the future, including the uncertainty in this area of finding someone.  Some are imprisoned by their past (such as past hurts, experiences, and mistakes) which hinders them in their search for a true and lasting relationship.

If you can relate to anything I’ve mentioned so far, this series is meant to serve you.  There’s a lot more to come on this topic of finding true love.  All I ask is that you come with an open mind.

Change Your Perspective; Shift Your Paradigm

When it comes to searching for that true and lasting relationship, our minds need to be like stretchable workout pants. Have you ever tried wearing hard jeans in working out, especially the ones that are skinny and tight?  If you did, you know that they don’t leave much room for movement. As a guy, I often wander if these skinny jeans might affect my ability to reproduce. Somebody ought to do a study on this.

Anyway, I would definitely not want to exercise in these inflexible skinny jeans.

When you are working out, in the process of transforming yourself to become more fit, you generally would put on stretchable workout pants. In the same way, when you are in the process of transforming yourself to become more fit for a relationship with a special someone, you have to put on a mind that is like the stretchable pants. Your mind must not only be on how it’s been accustomed to think and on how the culture of the world pressures you to think. Your mind must be stretchable or flexible to have room for approaching this issue in ways you may be uncomfortable with. In reading this series (in the process of transforming yourself to attract true love into your life), be the stretchable workout pants.

Are you one of the common cases where you ask yourself why you keep attracting the same type of guys or the same type of girls you don’t want? You keep asking yourself why they keep showing up in your life. Well, you may have heard the saying, “Approaching something the same way again and again while expecting a different outcome is insanity.” When you keep getting the same results (or the same type of guys/girls) you don’t want, it’s time to be open up your mind to new approaches. This is key if you want to get anything out of this series.

Be open and flexible enough to add to your initial point of view and approach. You may even need to change them altogether if necessary. Your mind must be like the stretchable pants in order to get out of old patterns if you want to attract true love into your life...


To be continued in part 2.  Feel free to find it at http://spirfit.net/Academy/life/searchforlove/index.htm






For updates of my blog posts, feel free to join/like my Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/pages/SpirFit/141881909215772




Copyright: © 2012, 2013.  This document is the sole property of Amadeo Constanzo. Other free teachings from Amadeo Constanzo can be found at http://spirfit.org/Academy/index.htm#life and SpirFit.org






Search for True Love, Finding a mate, soul mate, Shu Chan 陳樹中 University of California, UC Davis, Brooklyn Tech, Amadeo Constanzo

Remembering Whitney Houston

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When I heard on the news last night of Whitney Houston’s sudden passing, I was shocked and saddened.  I started enjoying listening to Whitney Houston’s music in elementary school when her hit song “Greatest Love of All” was frequently played on the radio.  It was often played in summer camp when I was around ten.   (They may have been playing this song for the camp counselors to hear since it’s about the love of kids, and I guess it was quite fitting.)

Two of my favorite Whitney songs of all times are “When You Believe” (for the Disney movie Prince of Egypt about Moses) and “One Moment in Time”.  (I’ve embedded the videos on this page.) 

                 

In this time of fear…… Now I’m standing here, my heart so full I can’t explain.  Speaking faith and speaking words I never thought I’ll say.  There can be miracles, when you believe.  Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill.  Who knows what miracles you can achieve?  When you believe, somehow you will… you will when you believe.

 

      Each day I live, I want it to be, a day to give, the best of me.  I rise and fall.  Yet through it all…  I want one moment in time… when I’m faced with destiny…  I will be free.

I must admit that not all of Whitney Houston’s songs have good messages, in my opinion.  I didn’t particularly like the messages on some of her love songs, but she surely did make all her songs sound great with her amazing vocal range.

Also, who can forget the hit movie The Body Guard she starred in back in the early 90’s and the hit song “I Will Always Love You” which was voted the best song in my high school year book. 

Not only did Ms. Houston have great vocal abilities, but she actually started a career in the spotlight as a teen model, which did not surprise me when I read about this years ago.  She was a very beautiful woman. 

People started recognizing her singing talent when her mother brought her to sing at church events, and the producer Clyde Davis introduced her to the world when he discovered her.

Unfortunately, in the last ten years, Whitney Houston has been struggling with personal problems (battling with drugs, alcohol, and ex-husband Bobby Brown.)  I've always hoped that she would pull herself back up.  Despite her struggles in her later years, we can’t forget her accomplishments of more than two decades.  My prayers go out to Whitney Houston and her family.

 Greatest National Anthem Performance I’ve Ever Seen

I Believe in You and Me

For more Whitney Houston music videos from her two decades of singing career, go to:
http://music.yahoo.com/whitney-houston/